#5: notes from 2022 (alok menon style)
to say this year was hard is a gross understatement
I will start with a note to self: I am not in the business of being liked. There are many people who will and do dislike me despite never having met me. It’s okay; not my circus, not my monkeys.
People ascribing negative intentions to what you say or do isn’t your problem, but theirs. You don’t have to right every wrong. Give others the benefit of doubt; stop looking for the ‘real’ motive behind what others do or say.
You are so vain, you probably think this song is about you (but it is not).
Buy less books. Read the ones you already have in your giant-ass TBR list. Yes, I am chastising myself as I speak.
Take care of your body and your health. Jaan hai tau jahaan hai. Nothing – least of all work – takes precedence over your wellbeing in these trying times.
Being a good friend is hard in this day and age, but try. Stay connected to people who love and check up on you. Get out of your own head. Don’t burn bridges over grievances that can be resolved over time. Have faith in people you’ve loved for so long; who have loved you for so long. Friends and family (chosen or otherwise) are everything.
Don’t use what people share with you privately to dunk on someone. Formulate your own opinion about a person, especially if you spend time with them and have given them the impression that they can trust you. Don’t fester; fess up whenever something is bothering you instead of imploding one fine day. Or better yet, BUILD BETTER BOUNDARIES.
You can love your parent for who they are and not love how they have treated you.
Create, create, create. Spend that pent-up energy on something – far, far away from “critiquing” something on social media.
Art is everything. Make it, celebrate it, share it, talk about it.
Cynicism and misanthropy are for the weak-willed and hearted. Optimism gives us life; fight back for what you love and hold dearly. Be brave, and imagine anew.
You are fluid. Don’t let your past dictate who you are now. Sometimes, no closure is exactly the kind of closure we need. Don’t always look for resolution.
Stop keeping score of the myriad ways in which people may or may not have offended you. We are vast, we contain multitudes, and most importantly, we all fuck up. Relax. Forgive.
Don’t play cool. Be lame; be the dweeb of your dreams. Coolness is for people who are deeply uncomfortable with the part and parcel of being human.
There is joy in shared experiences, in connection, and sometimes even in sameness. Let go of being an edgelord/”I am not like other peeps” type contrarian all the time. Look past differences.
Build a life beyond your partner’s. Have mutual friends and scenes by all means, but also spaces and friends you can proudly call your own. Don’t let your partner’s identity subsume yours.
It is almost 2023; stop conflating your feelings with your politics. Remember: hurt people hurt people.
I’d say organise and build community, but that’s another conversation for another day.
Here is to 2023. Let’s hope for better days.
